Her Shoulder
by Minty-Nutmeg
Summary: "Come on, Kaidan. I could get a salute from anyone on this ship - sometimes I just need a shoulder." ME1, Shenko one-shot.


_Please enjoy, everybody, and feel free to leave any constructive criticism in order to help me improve the story. Please note that I made sure to make no physical description or give a name to Shepard, so you can imagine her as your own personal Shepard. Thanks!_

**_DISCLAIMER: _**_As I'm sure we all realise, I am not the owner of Mass Effect: Bioware is. Really, guys, if I owned Mass Effect, I would be swimming a pool of money, giggling maniacally right now. _

_I'm just using the characters as puppets in my theatre of torture. MWAHAHAHAHA!_

_That is all. :)_

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><p>Kaidan was 30 years old, a marine, and a sceptic. He was not one to carelessly throw his emotions into the open haphazardly, confessing his feelings of undying affection to those he cared for. He was the one who stood on the sidelines of that one, imperative person in his life, watching them out of the corner of his eye, always carefully keeping them in his line of sight when walking through one of those dark, dangerous places they were constantly travelling through, exuding a protective air as he stayed firmly by their side.<p>

Never one to fall for someone easily, he only done so once before – and, after that disaster, he had pretty much avoided any contact with females outside of when it was required professionally, wary of reliving that despairing anguish in the pit of his stomach that crept on the edges of his emotions whenever a woman attempted to become closer to him.

Despite being somewhat regularly asked out on dates, recurrently propositioned with something more than simple friendship, he had only ever had a few, average, forgettable relationships that were initiated just to try and put the past where it should have remained: in the past, forgotten. But it never really worked.

So, when he thought her and experienced an emotional rush like none he had ever experienced, he _knew_ that he could not ignore it, or dismiss it as nothing more than an attraction.

He supposed it was love at first sight. Although he hated the cliché of admitting it, it was true. From the moment his eyes had landed on Shepard's shining, beautiful gaze, he was hooked in, and could not escape for the life of him.

He was stuck with her now - and he wouldn't have it any other way.

When he had first met her, on the bridge of the ship as she greeted her new crew, he was struck by her impish yet well-mannered grin. Most of the COs he had met were older, harsher men, who did not see humour as having a place aboard a military vessel, that closed themselves firmly off to their subordinates. She was nothing like that. As soon as the crew were gathered before her, backs whipping straight and their hands snapping to in practiced salutes, she made an order:

"No more saluting, please. Makes me uncomfortable," smiling mischieviously at the confused soldiers who were slowly, hesitantly lowering their hands, she continued, "please also note that for the entirety of my military career I have maintained an open door policy for my crew. Feel free to approach me with your concerns or worries at any time."

At that, she began to shake the hands of every person before her, laughing corteously when the greenhorn Private Jenkins enthusiastically regailed her with his story of joining one of her myriad of fanclubs. Next to Kaidan, Joker chuckled happily, nodding, "Ooh, I like her. Nice. Hot bod', too." Kaidan agreed fully, before she suddenly appeared before him, took his subconciously outstretched hand, and shook it confidently. After a moment, she whistled, impressed.

"Firm grip - that's a good indication of character, Lieutenant Alenko!" She winked at him, and he sputtered slightly, surprised but quite joyous. Beside him, Joker watched with keen eyes, smirking, as she added "I think I shall like you, Alenko. Nice to meet you."

She turned as the Captain called her name, and was momentarily distracted, enough time for Joker to nudge Kaidan and wiggle his eyebrows suggestively, whispering, "Nice catch if you can keep it, LT." Grinning despite his best efforts not to, Kaidan laughed quietly with him.

She turned around again, taking hold of Joker's hand, as she declared, "Okay, crew, I'll treat you to drinks at Flux tonight before we leave tomorrow: my treat, whatever you want, however much you want. Get your glad rags on!"

Joker could only sigh happily, to the amusement of Shepard, "Please marry me."

Long before Kaidan had made that momentous acceptance of a place aboard the legendary _No__rmandy _that would forever be engraved in the history of the galaxy as the ship that she commanded, that she led to save everyone, he had heard of her – as had everyone. She was everywhere, constantly on the extranet, grinning widely as she graciously accepted a multitude of medals; glaring out determinedly from her unshakeable, invincible military file photograph as her amazing acts of bravery were applauded by renowned admirals; eyebrows raised in a rare moment of utter surprise as she was bombarded with proposals of marriage from loyal fans who had gathered to see her return to the Citadel.

He had known that she was a fantastic leader: a fine, experienced military prodigy.

But he had not known that she was such as beautiful person.

Anybody could tell she was attractive, yet he was unaware of just how sincere she was. She didn't join the military for the renown (she was sometimes quite embarrassed by the attention), or the money (there was little of it, she had confessed), or for the reputation (to put it succinctly, she didn't care). She had flown through the ranks with one thought on her mind – making sure that others were safe. Ensuring that nobody would have to go through what she did on Mindoir.

Only once had she ever discussed her infamous past with him, the incident which Ash dubbed contemptuously 'a time when the military really screwed the pooch'. The only effect it seemed to have on her had been a slight clench in the jaw, an easily missed darkening of her eyes, and a forgettable drop in her volume.

"Never again," she had whispered quietly, after revealing the details of the slaver raid on her planet colony, aware of the other conversing marines that had been sat at the nearby table, "I told myself that. It won't happen again, all of that horror. I won't let it."

After that, she had said nothing more about it – just smiled reassuringly, and laughed softly, "I'll be fine, don't worry!"

He couldn't stop worrying, despite her attempts to calm his anxiety. He worried when she got too far out of his sight during a battle; he worried when she was pinned down by gunfire and he couldn't get to her; he worried when he saw her secret moments of sadness, her eyes ever so slightly revealing that hidden despair as she faced the corpses of civilians.

When he heard her before he saw her, hunched over her locker, grunting a small desperate sob of frustration, he became worried. Never before had he seen her give in so completely to her emotions – but he understood why. She blamed herself for what had happened.

She blamed herself for Ashley's death. She blamed herself because she had feelings for Kaidan, and saved _him _instead of _her_.

After the bomb on Virmire exploded, they remained close enough that they were able to watch the aftermath, and it was excruciating. Sprinting into the garage with Kaidan slung over her back, she roared for them to move out, slamming the doors shut with a punch of the control panel as she rapidly lowered him to the floor. Immediately upon her command, the _Normandy_ flung itself forward, soaring away from the planet's impending doom.

The explosion rocked the entire ship, and she held him tightly to the ground to stop his damaged body from smashing into a wall, his ears ringing from the deafening noise. Another crew member managed to slowly walk over, grabbing him and pulling him over to a table with two others. Instantly, Shepard pushed herself up, seizing the sides of the wall with her blood soaked gloves, gaze fixed desperately on the window, and she quickly reached it, grasping the sides of it tautly.

Her eyes stayed glued forward as the nightmarish scene unfolded before her. Mouth clenched shut in a thin line, sweat and dirt streaked across her pallid face, she didn't say a single word. Nobody did.

The fateful crew of the historic _Normandy_ all watched in collective, unspeakable horror and helplessness as Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams was stolen from them.

The days after on the flight back to the Citadel were morbid and spent mostly in silence. Only once did Shepard speak, during the debriefing. Following the arrival of the ground crew, she had begun, quietly, uninterrupted, as she described in detail the events that had taken place.

Nobody thought it was her fault, and they all told her that, but she didn't believe them.

"Of course, it's his fault," she spat out angrily, "Saren. But we all know it was mine, also. Don't lie to me. Don't comfort me. It's the truth." Silence followed, for nobody had the courage to look up into her fiery eyes and defy her at that moment, and she took it as an opportunity, continuing quietly, "Now; here's the plan for what we're going to do."

Despite her careful planning, everything had gone to pot. The damned fools of the Council didn't believe her when she told them about the Reapers, and they branded her unstable. Not only that, but they told her that her bombing of Virmire was thoughtless and tactless, and ruled that the Normandy was to be grounded on the Citadel.

"What?" She had whispered disbelievingly, her voice echoing around the Council chambers, "What the hell do you mean?"

Udina sniffed, unconcerned, "I shall be working closely with the Council from now on, and _we_ believe that it would be best for everyone if you were removed from the Saren investigation."

She didn't reply immediately, but her fists clenched taut in their usual resting place, folded behind her back, before ultimately she spoke, "Are you all _insane_?" Her barbed, furious voice rang out loudly, "After everything I've done, you still don't believe me?"

The Asari councillor, the only member of the Council who Shepard actually had some amount of respect for, glanced at her, seeming genuinely sympathetic. But her eyes held a certain hardness to them that could only have come from years of political backwash and strain from leadership, and she said in a stern, unyielding voice, "We're sorry, Commander. But the fact of the manner is: Saren has been proven to be a master of manipulation and deceit. He convinced all of the Geth to follow him blindly in a vain hope of reviving a fallen god of some kind, and now he has converted you, too. He is a liar, Commander. And, if you are unable to realise that, you will stay here.

"Until further notice, Commander Shepard, you are hereby grounded with your ship _The Normandy._ This meeting is adjourned."

Her guard broke for a split second of utter, uninhibited frustration as she cried out, the sound blasting through the halls, stopping passers-by in their tracks, "You've just dug your own goddamn grave – don't expect me to pull you out of it!"

And, with that bellow of anger ringing around her, she stalked off, her wrathful presence pushing those nearby from her path, her pretty features dark and her eyes lit with the flame of rage.

Following her revelation to the crew of the grounding – which they had guessed had happened when all of the ship's systems had shut down whilst she was gone – most of them had wandered off to Flux under her direction, seeking to drown their sorrows.

Yet, she remained. Weeping.

He wasn't sure what he was going to do, and wavered in his thoughts, trying to decide if she would want to see him. However, when he heard another stifled sob, he could no longer stand by and do nothing.

Moving forward, he kept staring at her, concern plain across his face. She obviously heard him, and looked around, quickly wiping her eyes self-consciously. He stopped in front of her, and she turned round completely, looking up at him tiredly, saying nothing.

"Commander, are you alright?" Kaidan asked softly, meeting her fatigued gaze. No response. She just sat there, her normally ram-rod straight shoulders stooped over slightly, her hands held before her. Trying to start her talking, he continued reassuringly, "I'm sure there's some way to appeal – we're under Alliance authority after all, not the Council's."

Shaking her head, she replied quietly, "Official channels are closed. They made that quite clear," sighing, she added in a barely audible volume, "nothing can be done."

Eyebrow raised doubtfully, Kaidan scoffed slightly, "Closed, huh? And you're just going to lie there and take that? Come on, Shepard, I think I know you better than that."

Silence followed his statement of faith, and she turned her face away, her eyes falling to bore into the ground. Out of nowhere, Kaidan dropped his self to the floor, shifting closer to her with his side just barely touching hers. He waited patiently, seeing clearly that she was thinking deeply, her thoughts obviously troubling her.

Finally, she responded once more, "We're going to be out of this game for a while, Kaidan, and I'm going to need you to be here while we figure things out."

Immediately, he said, "Of course, you know you can count on me – or any of the crew, Commander." She smiled lightly, laughing under her breath while she shook her head.

"Come on, Kaidan," she looked into his eyes, her gaze softening slightly and regaining some of its usual light, "I could get a salute from anyone on this ship. Sometimes I need a shoulder." Her hand moved to his, taking a soft grasp of it, and she leaned into him.

Despite his surprise, he complied with her need for comfort. Gently, he shifted her closer to him, encircling her warmly with his free arm, and she sighed contentedly. She moved her head into the crook of his neck, and they seemed to fit together perfectly, like a living jigsaw.

Quietly, he murmured, his warm breath tickling her ear, "Everything will be fine, Shepard."

She laughed, her chest rumbling against his as she did so, "There, now that wasn't so hard, was it?"

He grinned, "I could get used to it. I guess," he paused slightly, "we have some down time, huh? Time to figure out who we really are."

She nodded, agreeing silently, and looked up to him, her eyes half lidded and her mouth parted slightly.

Without a word, they both had a flicker of recognition run through them as they realised what they really wanted to do. Huskily, she whispered his name, and no more. They shifted ever closer, his hands grasping her sides softly, hers clutching the front of his military regulation shirt, her fingers enfolding themselves in the fabric of his collar.

Heads moving together slowly, eyes closed, their lips gradually joined.

"Commander," Joker's voice yelled earth-shatteringly through the ship intercom, and, shocked, they parted, eyes flying upwards, "you have a message to receive from Captain Anderson in the com-room." The sound died, clicking slightly as the intercom switched off.

They both chuckled at the unfortunate timing, marvelling how Joker always seemed to pick the worst times to interrupt. Eventually, they stopped, and their gazes locked again.

Silently, she planted a soft kiss on his cheek, and stood up. Winking, she said gently, "We'll talk later." Walking away, she gave him one last smile before entering the elevator and disappearing from his sights.

Kaidan smiled.

"Will do, Commander."

It was definitely time for him to stop being a sceptic.

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><p><em>Thanks for reading, everybody! Minty OUT! :D<em>


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